Surviving a Break Up Advice

Surviving a break up can be done. There were trillions of broken hearts before you, and there will be trillions of broken hearts after you. You are not alone! It is safe to say that everyone has had a heartbreak, and has managed to master surving a break up.

Understanding, self-love, and time are crucial to your survival, but you will get through it! Read some samples of advice for surviving a break up found online, post your comments or suggestions below, and read others. We hope you can find some peace here.

The breakup of an important love relationship is the most traumatic of human experiences and we have all suffered through at least one I am sure.

In many ways we can more easily cope with the death of a loved one. Although we don't understand death, at least we understand its finality.

With the breakup of a relationship, days and weeks of lingering and haunting "ifs" often follow. The pain can penetrate every fiber of our being.

In the days following the breakup we think of little else than the one we loved and trusted, the one we had so much invested in. Everywhere we go we are reminded of them--a face in a crowd, the flash of a familiar shirt, a distant voice, a song."

Chances are that, at least once in your lifetime, you will experience a break-up. The most important thing to keep in mind is that it happens to everyone, and life does go on. As someone who has gone through several break-ups, I can attest that as bleak as things may look, eventually the pain and hurt do dissipate. There was a life before him, and there will be a life after him. One of the best moments of life is waking up and realizing that you can stand on your own again. But things are easier said than done, and everyone has a different healing process.

Relationships can become an addiction, and once they're over, the withdrawal can be consuming."

So you’ve just gone through a devastating break-up. My heart goes out to you. There is nothing quite as painful as being dumped by someone you thought was the One. I know you’re probably feeling like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on and that your hopes and dreams have been shattered. Do what you have to do (within reason, of course) to grieve this loss—cry, get angry, punch your pillow, throw darts at your ex’s picture.

One thing you should not do, however, is visit, phone, email, or text you ex. You should have no contact whatsoever. Accept the fact that it is over and make a clean break. Keep your dignity intact. Trust me on this—in the long run you’ll be glad you did."

From http://www.counseling.ilstu.edu/files/downloads
/articles/coping-breaking_up_hard.pdf

""Breaking-up" Is Hard To Do
by Kim Hays, Staff Counselor, Student Counseling Services

.... There are several things that can help you survive a "break-up." First, it’s important to remember that as bad as you feel now, the hurt will ease with time. Time works to heal emotional pain if you can give yourself time to feel sad as well as time away from the sadness. During the healing process take time to review the relationship. Look at its good points and the places it was less than ideal. There are probably many lessons you can learn about yourself, about what you value in a relationship and about what needs to happen differently next time. Taking the time to review and reflect can turn the hurt into an opportunity for personal growth. "

From http://simonesu.wordpress.com/2008/02/21/
top-tips-for-surviving-a-break-up/

Few things are as devastating as a messy break-up. Your self-image has been ground th_cheer_up.gifinto the dust, you feel ugly and unwanted and you’re sure people are talking about you behind your back. Or even worse, they feel sorry for you.

And there’s this ache somewhere between your stomach and your ribs that just won’t go away. Especially after you saw your ex with the new partner outside the bank this morning. But all is not lost, even though it feels like it right now.

* Take heart.
* Life is not over.
* Other people will find you attractive again.
* The awful feeling of sadness will not last forever.
* You could be better off without this person.
* Your finances will recover.
* You can learn from this mistake.
* You’ll have more time now to spend with friends.
* You don’t have to account for your movements.
* A cheat is going to do it again.
* The best revenge is looking good and being happy. "

"Tips For Surviving a Break Up and Other Losses
by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist

Breaking up is never easy. Here are some tips to help you get through this very painful time. For more detailed information about surviving a break up, you may want to read my article, Break-ups: How To Survive Them"

"I find myself missing him less each day and I find that the days are passing much more quickly. Am I over him? I doubt it, but I'm on the right track." -- jleyritz

Whether you were dating for a few months, in a long-term relationship or married, breaking up is hard to do. The good news is that life does get better. Eventually, you will be able to get out of your robe, lose the boxes of Kleenex and watch reruns of Mad About You without breaking down in tears. Many of our members know exactly how you feel right now. Read their tips on getting over him and getting on with your life.

You're Not Broken, So Don't Throw Yourself Away
By Cathy Hulbert, MSW, Licensed Clinical Social Worker

"....Just remember that whatever happens in that relationship -- there WILL be a "rest of your life." If disappointment makes you forget that, even for a day, you might be in trouble. If the pain is so severe that you start dreading the thought of living a long life and want to end yours, please talk to a trusted adult immediately. Many a grave is filled with the body of a young person who didn't realize : THE PAIN GOES AWAY.

Not only does the pain go away, but the miracle is that the happy memories often remain, decades after you're happily involved with someone else. Why is that? My theory is this: When you are young, your feelings burn extremely bright, but you're still figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. You might date someone who loves rap music, then someone who hates it, then someone who isn't really interested in music at all because he (or she) is too busy reading or training for a track team. You're emotions might surge one day, and soon after your own tastes have changed. In other words: there will be times when you do the breaking up and times when you're on the receiving end. But either way, you have been an important part of someone's life..."

How can something that made me so happy now cause so much pain? Our two greatest fears about ending a relationship are that:

1. Our feelings of loss, rejection, hurt, loneliness, and pain will be overwhelming and unbearable and we will never get over it.

Often, we want to create, or for those lucky enough to have a stable background, recreate the feelings of connectedness, safety, and security that we associate with childhood."

Comments (page 1 of 1):

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Beccamecca :

Posted 131 days ago

We were the best of friends. Long distance took its toll and what we once had planned after college and so many hopes and dreams became too much for him. I was so scared i would lose the one thing that mattered to me after so much pain and hurt i went through. Then we broke up and we tried more like i tried to become friends like we once were. Yeah it didn't work out. Then i texted him saying i guess you dont wanna talk period so i guess this is good bye and i wish you well in life. All i got back was a bye. It hurts to know thats how much he cared in the end. All i want him to know is next time you see me i will be feeling great and you were just something in the past. Have a great life. I know i will.

beverly :

Posted 285 days ago

be strong, dont be weak and it will be easy.

belinda :

Posted 287 days ago

thank you, it does feel like my life has ended, like i cannot go on, like i'm dead, i'm living a nightmare each day and that it will never go away, but i've got hope now again.

elizabeth lockhart :

Posted 463 days ago

this helped some because i noticed something that i was already doing looking good and acting happy is the best revenge and since i live with him he sees it everyday and i wnat it to get to him he broke my heart

Anonymous :

Posted 559 days ago

A six year relationship was ended a week before xmas. I was told that had been feelig this way for a week and a half. I'm a mess. I fee like any minute my heart will stop beating. I'm physically and mentally weakened by his decision. He told me that I was perfect and that the problem was never me. This is after being told that if I lost weight our relationship would improve, so I did. How am I ever going to make it through this. We have a 5 year old daughter together and because of her, I can't cut off contact with him. I love him so much. He did this in 2006 and came back in 2007 telling me that he'd learnt what was important in life, but if i'm honest, deep down inside I always felt like he would leave again . I'm devastated by this.

maa :

Posted 565 days ago

i wouldnt wish this on ma worse enemy.. that is how bad i feel..
how can someone "love" you so much and the next moment say "they cant listen to the love in their heart.."
i feel lik i have no life anymore..i've lost the peace and joy that i use to have...im jus goin thru the days basically high on nothin..jus puttin up a front cos i hv to..
out of the blue he stopped answering my calls, n wouldnt call me back either..said he was under alot of stress n didnt kno what to do..he called to tell me his sister was in town livin with him--not knowing she was his wife...he got "introduced to someone (as he refers to her)" n within a month they was married n she is pregnant...
so i ask mysef, when he started "talking" to her did he forget that i was still around???
every1 is sayin he doesnt deserve me if he can treat me lik tha.. but i feel lik i lost my bestfriend..the person that i thought was the 1...
"this too shall end"--they all tell me.. well im lookin forward to tha day n i hope it comes fast cos i dont kno how long i can take feelin tis way.....

ann :

Posted 587 days ago

Its hard.
Since we broke up (i broke it off), I can only sleep with the light on. I drink too much and am spending time with another ex.
I thought i was a strong capable person.
I would take my partner back in a nanosecond if I could.
Pathetic?- absolutely!!!!

Amalia :

Posted 624 days ago

It's such a miserable experience. My ex called me and said he has started dating someone else after a year and a half dating. It was a huge betrayal of trust and I was so sad. But then I realized I wasted a year and a half with someone totally not worth an ounce of my time or care. Someone who didn't deserve someone like me and I thought about all the guys I turned down. It makes you angry to know that you've wasted so much and missed out on really great guys... But in the end, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get to the real prince.I've learned to NEVER settle again for someone that was not even half of what a real woman would expect from a man. And I also like to think that Karma comes around. Especially to those who cheat.

Katrina :

Posted 647 days ago

I just want to die

Mia :

Posted 772 days ago

He was in two minds of dumping me on friday; he didn't completely know why. He just was. I told him to wait a little because it's so drastic; he waited 2 more days and then dumped me ont he sunday night with our friends nearby - they were pressuring him to sort this out with me.
I don't understand how on the Thursday night he could love me and be truthful and then in a matter of hours doubt that love [that's what he told me on sunday].
Nothing could hurt more.

Emilio :

Posted 931 days ago

I am 32, she was 48---we lasted nearly 12 intense months..she suffers from serious depression. I tried dealing with it, but I could not win over. I am a complete mess over the break-up. My stomach is sick, I can feel my heart palpitating VERY fast...I cry a lot, my eyes are red.
Thank you for the wonderful support you offer on this site. Time heals!!
I treated her like a real Princess, broke my back and went out of my way for her....I resent myself for accepting so many of her rules. I know she will call, she has done this before, but this time I have a wall around me.
I am keeping myself busy....I am suffering so much...it is ok for guys to cry and be emotional.

Emilio :

Posted 931 days ago

Ling :

Posted 1125 days ago

I try to move my life today.
I realise everything have changed.
Good food that I used to like
is tasteless to me today.
You have changed me so much silently,
now that I'm drifting aimlessly.
I hope your life is good today
at last i've done right finally

Tiny T :

Posted 1175 days ago

Being with someone who you know is not the right one is a worse feeling than breaking up. Even though I could not stand being in a realtionship with this person any longer and chose to leave I find myself sad.....Why? I wanted out and hated being there with him..He was a cheater and lier I hate those type of people...So why am I sad?

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