How to Survive a Break Up

Okay, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, you now have to learn how to survive a break up! Yes, once again the break up was the easy part compared to your emotional ability and the work needed to survive it.

Be prepared to hurt, and cry, and be angry, and be scared, and lose all sense of self-esteem. Then be prepared to wake up one morning and say 'enough is enough!'

Yes, the good news is that you CAN SURVIVE A BREAK UP...you just have to learn how to work through it step-by-step, and that you can't skip any of the steps along the way.

Below we have hints and suggestions taken from around the web on how to survive a break up. Be sure to add your own suggestions or comments at the end of the page!

How to survive a break up with grace and dignity. Steps for getting over that certain guy and leaving with your head held high.

1. Do not cry in front of him, you don’t want to look like a basket case and make him think that he’s making the right decision.

2. Get in the car and let out a good scream when you’re at least two blocks away from his house.

10. When he does come back around, (because you’re too great of a girl for him to not come back), make him work for your attention.

Been a few days since my last post. Blogs are full of "no kidding" advice that seem so trite i.e. obvious. However you might not know that your number one enemy after a breakup is silence. All it does is let your brain continue its maddening pace at trying to resolve your problem. Its best to let your mind work itself out while you sleep. Watch a movie, turn on the tv, or even much better put on your favorite jam music and sing. Play it long and loud, and for heavens sake dont you dare play anything depressing."

It is a good thing to be with friends and family as much as possible after a break up.

A healthy way to work through your feelings is by writing about the break up and the way you feel during the healing period.

Even though many people may disagree, it works if you cry one good time, to get all of your emotions out.

Get a journal and write down what you have learned from the relationship, about yourself, relationships, and life.

It is important not to engage in self-destructive behaviors such as blaming yourself for the break up or not caring for yourself.

Nobody likes to hurt another person, especially somebody they have been close to, and it is often very easy to guilt trip somebody into staying with you when they are trying to end things.

When you use guilt as a way to stop a break up you not only cheat yourself out of having a good and true relationship, you foster resentment in the other person which could lead to greater pain and heart ache in the future. "

Who says breaking up is hard to do? Some people find it so easy they can walk out with no warning and never look back. For them, it's off with the old and on with the new.

But the person who's been dumped has a harder time adjusting – all the more if the break-up is unexpected or their partner disappears with no further contact. Unable to ask what went wrong, they're left with a burden of anger, bewilderment and grief that has no clear outlet.

They may even feel ashamed, either for failing at the relationship or for being foolish enough to love such a selfish rat."

My boyfriend just told me last sunday that he slept with another girl. He said it was b/c we weren't married. Yes we both said we'd take a break for a week (it was 3 days). well we never gave any rules. But now he said he doesn't know what his feelings for me are. He also said i deserve better than him so he said he doesn't think we should be together anymore. We have been together for 3 1/2 years. We have a 2yr old. I was hope'n for this to work. But now im not so sure. How do I move one and survive?

Look a break up is never fun... and ur broken heart will heal..be glad he told you this now.. and accept it and move on..you do TRUTH LY deserve better and will have better...live for your kid and only him... He should be the only reason ....good luck ...im if you need to talk more..

A. Survival is very hard - my advice to you is to give all the love you would have given him and give it to your child who is worth your time and energy. If you leave your bf alone for a long while he will some how miss something nice about you. Don't call him - just show him that you are in control of yourself. It will be hard but you can do it."

Nobody enjoys a break-up, no matter how old they are. Ending a relationship can be messy and painful.

If you're the person breaking up, here's how to do it quickly and directly, with minimal damage to both parties:

This only increases the hurt and the likelihood of an argument or the person saying, "I'll change."

You want the break-up to seem like it was fated to happen and not the result of anyone's behaviour. Simply say, "I want to go out with other people," or "I guess I don't feel the way I used to." Make it clear that your feelings have changed and that it's not the other person's fault.

Now you have to put the pieces back together, but the pieces aren't going back the same way they did before. What can you do?

Time is your best friend in surviving a break-up. Keep busy. The busier you are, the less time you have to feel miserable.

Talk is your next-best friend. Find someone you trust and who you feel will understand and help you get through this difficult time.

Take it one day at a time. Things usually have a tendency to get better. It's just a matter of getting through each day, and the next one becomes a little easier.

From http://depts.washington.edu/hhpccweb
/article-detail.php?ArticleID=363&ClinicID=13

The end of a relationship is one of the more painful and stressful things people experience. As a culture, we have no clear-cut rituals for ending relationships or saying good-bye to valued others. We are often unprepared for the variety of feelings we experience in the process. Sometimes, the emotions that come up after a break-up can catch us off-guard and impact our functioning at school, work, and with other friends."

Try to understand why the relationship failed, but remember not to blame yourself or analyze the matter until you feel crazy. Realize that if your partner wanted to be with you, you could have worked out your differences in other ways than by breaking up. Blaming him or her will also not do you any good, because even if it was his fault, all you are doing is defining yourself to others as a victim. It is a sad truth that you cannot have a relationship with someone who will not have a relationship with you."

So that's it then, he/she's done with you, what do you do with your life now? I will guide you through the next few months of existance.

First of all, let's get one thing straight. The phrase "Let's just be friends" or the more popular variation "We can still be friends" is a thinly disguised code-phrase. In reality "Let's just be friends" means "I never want to witness your presence again you pathetic fetid wasting pile, but I don't want you to feel bad about it." This is the first major bound you have to make in getting through a breakup. Once you've established this, you can move on. Only once in recorded history has a couple remained friends after a breakup, in the early Renniasance, and the friendship lasted only as long as the effects of the alcohol.

The method of the breakup is irrelevant. But this instruction assumes that you're at home to begin with. So if you were broken up with over the phone/e-mail/them walking up to your door/instant messanger/carrier pigeon/fireworks/skywriting/graffiti/singing telegram/tv evangelist. Then these instructions are for you. If you are unfortunate to have this happen to you in a public place then drag yourself back home by your lips and adjust the time accordingly."

Tigress Luv, The Break Up Guru, is the author of How to Get Over a Breakup, an instantly available online webBook, downloadable ebook, and website designed to help you understand and heal from a broken heart, and How to STOP Your Breakup, an instantly available webBook, downloadable ebook, and website designed to help you STOP or reverse your breakup and get your ex back. Both are available on this site and are free when you join our community.

Please leave your comments , suggestions, and advice for how to survive a break up:

Comments (page 1 of 1):

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jennifer :

Posted 10 days ago

Q: I have been with my fiance for 3 1/2 years and we have a 2yr old baby girl, we lived together but he hardly every contributed to the house, family or our relationship. I was having a hard time dealing with all the small problems we were having because he works a lot and when he's home he just plays video games, eats then goes to bed. We don't have "family" time really at all. I ask him to go out as a family on his day off and it always ends up with us fighting for him to go out. This happened the week as us fighting because he didn't help me to move all of our stuff to a different room. The whole week he said " we'll do it tomorrow" but tomorrow never came. Then on that sunday I spoke to him and he said he would be home around 7 or 8 pm but that never happened. I didn't hear from him until 1:30 am when he said " open the door I'm downstairs". He claims he was in city island with his friends (4 males) for 7 1/2 hours. He felt he had no need to tell me, so I broke up with him and sent him to live with his mom. It's been a week and I have tried many times to reach out to him but he doesn't talk to me, he says I'm gonna call u but he never does. What should I do??

jennifer :

Posted 10 days ago

Angie :

Posted 78 days ago

I agree totally with chuck. He said it all! Except in my case, my ex boyfriend sent an email a week and a half later after he broke it off with me (on the phone, no doubt) to wish me a happy mothers day! That just started the hurt all over. It was a set back, but determined to feel good about myself--exercise, eat right and find things to make me feel good. To hell with him. If he wants to get me back, he'll have to word VERY hard.

christy :

Posted 106 days ago

i broke up with my boyfriend, we,ve been going out for 1and a half years. we argue constantly over nothing and i didnt wanna hurt him anymore so i ended things............ it hurts so bad, i am constantly in tears.....

Ken Carroll :

Posted 124 days ago

Why would you want back, the very person that is causing you pain? Flush the toilet and be done with it. Wanting your ex back, is like pouring yourself a gl ... of milk, but realizing it is spoiled. Instead of throwing it away, you put it back in the refrigerator to try again tomorrow. IT IS NOT GOING TO GET BETTER . . . IT IS SPOILED, THROW IT AWAY!

sasha :

Posted 159 days ago

Find someone new to mate with

Danielle :

Posted 259 days ago

I got in a relationship that was a little on the complicated side. First of all, we have a 20 year age gap, I thought this was a big deal, but do not choose the people we fall in love with, it just happened and was so overwhelmingly strong that we knew we were soul mates, not just in love. Well he has children in another state, and he said I would never be forced to move there, and well, he changed his mind and now he wants to move there, but I am young, still in college, I can't leave everything I have ever known to go live 1000's of miles away from everything I know. So now he wants to break up because he wants to move there in the next 6 months. The hardest part is that we 1. a live together and 2. neither one of us wants to end this, we both still really love each other, but how could I compete with his kids that he loves so dearly. This pain is unlike anything I have ever felt in my life.

L Brown :

Posted 266 days ago

What if we live together, I want to break up with him, and have no where else to go because of my lease and cl ... es?

Chuck :

Posted 337 days ago

Nope. Wrong. And I'm not sorry to disagree with this garbage. If you're the dumpee you're more likely to find the bitterness turn to anger the longer you go without answers. You can do any of the above which come down to 1) Distract your self with pretty, shiney and loud things, 2) "Take care of yourself" (improve your education, weight, appearance, spiritual, educational or a whole host of "things"), 3) Seek others for solace (friends that will get tired of the whining, replacements and even therapists). But the thing that you want is what you had, but better. Can you improve yourself if you were dumped? Yes. Will that alone bring them back? Maybe, if they wake up and grow up and you did give your all for an honest, balanced and highly communicative relationship in the past.
The thing is that most people that have been dumped want answers and we want the dumper to take responsibility for the hurt and damage they leave behind. Can you make them? Sometimes. Other times it's better to improve yourself and just wait for them to self destruct on thier own. Sometimes they learn a good, clear lesson. Othertimes they remain deluded.
If you're the dumper: confess your mistake, be responsible and work, honestly, deeply, on trying to regain the trust of the person you hurt. And learn what _not_ to do in the next relationship you have. If you ever do have a real relationship ever again.

RICHARD :

Posted 357 days ago

i DO BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE FRIENDS AFTER A BREAKUP ,ARE WE SO PETTY THAT WE CANNOT GET TO THAT POINT I THINK NOT.

hillary :

Posted 443 days ago

I was the fool for falling for this guy and now he is wid this girl that i don't like and i really don't care anymore. I guess Im thankful that he is now wid her and not me i now know that he was not rite for me. well this is how it all started me and the guy went to home coming together we had a great tim and everything was amazing. Well at one of my Volleyball games one of my ex-friends started to flirt wid him rite in front of my face, I feel bad for the poor volleyball, well then I has getten mad and one of my friends saw i was so she went over and talked to my ex-friend and we thought she would stop, well we were wrong. A few months after she started again and this time i talked to him about it and he talked to her and she stopped again. Well that didnt stop her she stil did it and now we have been broken up for about 3-4 months and Im still not over him. So it hurts to see him wid sumone else

Stephanie :

Posted 694 days ago

I was crazy about my boyfriend. We were doing great, we never faught. We always got along and had tons of stuff in common. Then one night I got a message from him on my myspace. It said that he moved to Washingtion the state because he wanted to live with his mom. That happened in the middle of August or June. And I cry almost every night. We sometimes talk on the phone as friends and on the computer. But he says that hes never going to come back except in the summer time. I love him with all my heart. He was my first love. He tells me he still loves me. And a few guys ask me out in my school, but I always say no because I still love my ex from over the summer. And he says he might get a gf once he gets to know them more. How can I survive this awful break up without hurting myself. Because since this all happened I've been hurting and being depressed. Please help me. :(

Shery :

Posted 722 days ago

oKay,
on the 25th, i broke up with my boyfriend cause we kept constantly fighting, and he told me he still loved me, but i fine for a half hour, after that i burst out crying , and still very depressed, now im september, were starting a new school, and hes kindove dating my friend, and we all go to the same school, except shes a year older, anyway, so every day, im gunna have to see him, in all my cl ... es, and i dont know if i can do, that, what can i do get over seeing him with her everyday

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