Dealing With a Break Up Advice

Dealing with a break up can be difficult. Not only do you have to cope with the loss of connection to your significant other, but also deal with the loss of your dreams, facing friends and family, and handling the pain and grief of a relationship that has been severed.

Your whole routine has changed, as well as your outlook on life. You have, in a sense, become addicted to your partner and now you have to go through the withdrawal of the loss of them in your everyday life.

Read (below) some samples of advice for dealing with a break up found online, post your comments or suggestions below, and read others. We hope you can find some peace here.

From http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/columns/
datingtips/breakupclosure.html

I am going through a break up right now, but I was the heart breaker. In fact, I've tried to end the relationship a couple of times during our time together, which was about more than a year ago. However, I remained with him to take care of him because he is not financially stable...

Thousands of people are dealing with issues of pain involving breakups on a daily basis. And many of these are even the people who instigated the breakup. It is possible to make a strong connection with someone, but not be able to take that connection to the next level due to other circumstances within the relationship. And this causes great difficulty because when you sever the relationship, you are severing the connection. Anytime a close connection is broke, it's painful.

There is no easy way out. The ignore her 'till she goes away approach never works. There is no closure for her, and therapy sessions will soon follow. The I think you're a great girl and I don't deserve you line will seem okay to her at first, but later she will be devastated when she realizes that you lied because you were just being nice.

Honesty really is the best policy. Treating the relationship, and the person, with respect and dignity helps soften the blow.

Breaking up is hard to do, but there is only one way to break up with someone; in person. If you don't, you are a coward who obviously has neither the integrity, nor the sincerity, to tell her that your relationship is over."

Breakups are never easy, whether she dumped you or you dumped her. Most of the time the end of a relationship turns out to be the best decision for both parties involved, but sometimes you realize that a breakup was a big mistake. Obviously there were feelings of discontentment, anger, or a loss of passion or trust that caused the breakup in the first place, but often times these feelings and issues in a relationship can be resolved without completely throwing in the towel and giving up on the one you want."

From http://groups.msn.com/BreakUpSurvival/
observationsoftheforsakendealingwithabreakupandbein.msnw

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist or professional by any means, just observations on a board I belong to and my own personal experiences.

We have all been through it. That dull ache in your chest, the lack of appetite, lack of sleep, then too much sleep, depression, feeling physically ill. You’re so anxious you could gnaw off your feet. You are experiencing a relationship breakup that was not consensual in the termination. You probably got hung out to dry. After reading literally hundreds people’s stories and based on my own experience I have drawn a few trillion conclusions about this whole process, and how to deal with your immediate concerns."

One day it seems as if you are on top of the world and then the next your relationship hits a brick wall and it is over. There are many questions running around in your mind. How long will it take for happiness to return? What went so drastically wrong?

The truth is a break-up can be a very emotional time and it will usually take many months to get over the feeling of loss. A break-up is a drastic change in your lifestyle. The ways to mend a broken heart is to not dwell on the past and try to get on with your life. It is OK to grieve, but do not let it consume your entire thoughts. Look back on the relationship and see what you can learn from it, so you don?t make the same mistakes again. Get on with your life and try to stay busy. Join a sport, start a hobby, go out more with your friends. You need to get a sense of yourself back. Now that you are single, you are free to do the things you like without having to worry about someone else and how your actions affect them."

As a general rule seeing a person you were once intimate with in an intimate situation with another person hurts. It hurts like heck. It is unpleasant in ways you can't understand unless you have already dealt with the experience. Know it will shock, hurt and confuse you. Know that any negative feelings you had during the break up will come flooding back, even if only for a few minutes. Be prepared to not be happy. But know that this is easier than dealing with a break up and you have already done that. The hardest part is over. Take this type of a run-in as a small step backward and don't deny your hurt feelings. As with all the bad feelings about the break up itself, this too shall pass. And take comfort, there is only ever one surprise meeting with an ex and their next. Phew!"

I’ve been dealing with a break-up recently and it's difficult to understand what went wrong. I’ve never been with someone who made me so happy. I know I could see myself with him for the rest of my life...

A. ....How embarrassed and humiliated it felt to be rejected. I hated the pitying looks people sent my direction. I was angry with Frederick for letting me down. I was angry at myself for dreaming about a future with him. I spent a lot of time writing in my journal and brooding during my chores. I decided not to have fun anymore in my life and didn’t laugh for 16 days (making all my friends and family miserable with me) until the church’s annual spring picnic."

A. No, you are not a loser. We tend to internalize a break up, blaming ourselves and wondering how we could have been different. This is not healthy (although it is normal). In reality, break ups usually happen for more than one reason and those reasons are complex and intertwined. There is rarely, and I dare say never, just one thing that causes a break up. Break ups certainly never happen over one thing that you did or one character trait that you exhibit. Although a single act or trait may be the immediate cause of a break up - for instance, you are caught in a lie - the one thing is never the only thing. Usually other things have also happened, things have been building up or falling apart for a while before the break up, and/or one or both people were feeling unhappy. When you are dealing with a break up don't make yourself feel worse by looking for faults within yourself or your actions."

Misery loves company. Provide a listening ear for someone who's still having a tough time dealing with a break up and share some of your wisdom and expertise. Tell them how you're coping with your own break up crisis and provide some valuable break up survival tips. Helping someone in the same situation can be a boost to your self-esteem."

Whether this is your first relationship or your twenty-seventh, dealing with a break up is hard. No matter what the reason was for the break up, it still hurts. Even though this break up may seem like the end of the world now, there are ways to heal your broken heart."

Comments (page 1 of 1):

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debbie :

Posted 25 days ago

i'm so heart broken , i just broken with my man of 4 years i feel so stupid , its feels like i have no trust in him so i had to leave .following my my heart is easying my pain i never could be with a lier or cheated love is really a strong word.

pete :

Posted 183 days ago

we were together for 8 months. We both go to different colleges but even with the distance. We talked everyday and we would visit each other. We had a a fight the day before but the next day she said she was sorry so everything was fine. However later in the day we had a talk and i started saying how different we were thinking that there was no way we would actually break up for good. Well the next
day i figured we would get back together but she refused. She said we were different people and that we could maybe try again in a few years. I did everything i could to get her back but she still says no. She said that she wants to be friends but i dont know. Please give me some advice as to whether or not i should be her friend and also how i would deal with her sleeping with someone else in the time before we maybe try again? thanks any advice here would be greatly appreciated

=] :

Posted 199 days ago

Okay! me and this boy have been tlkin for alil over 5 months. and my suppose best friend was tlkin to him and she was flirting wit him and all this and then she comes and says that he dosent like me. she has the nerve to tell me that she ask him to go to his truck wit him after school one day! && over these past 5 months i have gotten soo attached to him thats its CRAZY! & im not takin it to well. he hasnt said we have stoped tlkin to for good. he hasnt said anything to me bout it. so im not sure wat he is doin.

Ms. Anonymous :

Posted 286 days ago

I've been going through a miserable time since middle of May into June. My girlfriend and I of almost two-years ended it with me. I knew the reasons. I did honestly have bad psychological problems, but the sad thing is I was just signed up for therapy two days before and hadn't talked to her and was about to tell her when I saw her message online.
It crushed me completely.
But, I knew the right thing to do. I told her I respected every decision she made, and told her if she ever needed someone to talk to for her to know I was there for her. Less than 24 hours later, she asked to be friends again.
I admit I was stupid, but I was trying to change with my therapy, and doing so well, always being able to talk with her, if even only as friends
But, once day.... I asked for the old friendship back, but she took it the wrong way, thinking I was asking for the relationship back. I honestly wasn't, and tried to explain this to her. She didn't listen, and now refuses to hear anything I say. My Mother even tried committing suicide one night, and I tried calling her, scared, not knowing what to do, but she yelled at me for other reasons, and couldn't even console me through that night's events.
And now months later, I still unfortunately have to enconter her a-lot because of our Conventions and costume-meetups. We don't talk, only shoot glances and she normally shoots daggers down at me, but nomally doesn't say anything.
I honestly have no idea how to get over her; she was perfect in any way, and I had liked her for Months before we got together. So, three years of liking her almost and she's still not out of my mind.
I'm starting to slowly lose interest in everything. I wake up every night, with dreams of her, and tears staining my pillow wet. I'm not interested in doing really anything, I hardly eat, I get horribly suicidal thoughts and always have impulses to seek comfort from her, but know I cannot.
I just wish she could see that I have changed; I've gone and completed my therapy, and truly am a different person now - the type of person she wanted from me. She was my best-friend in the world in addition to my girlfriend, so perhaps that is why this is hurting me more than it should to others..
I just...honestly, don't know what to do..

Ms. Unkown :

Posted 480 days ago

As a young high school girl, I dealt with a break up when I was fourteen years, no only break-up with my bf was harsh but fighting with his other girl made it extremely worse!! I could not eat, or even going somewhere thinkin uma c him or her again. After a year I met with the bf I have now and it has been 4 years.
Just a year ago, I cheated on him for a this older guy but eventually he drifted away but my bf stayed through it all. Now the other guy has a gf and I knew I would never that chance of being his gf. Their relationship has lasted from almost year. Jus the other day, he took me for a drive and we had a talk to catch up after he had ignored me for so long. I can tell he jus wants to use me but I jus can't help it n its drivin me CRAZY! Becuz I have a bf n he has a gf but its only affecting me and I dnt have no to talk to becuz I dnt want my bf to knw. Plz help me

hammy :

Posted 511 days ago

im 11 and my bf broke up wit me cuz his parnets n i kept breaking up wit him if you like some1 dont break up wit them in less ur postive that you want to

omg :

Posted 621 days ago

i dumped my bf a while back but now i'm regretting ever doing it but now he won't even look at me i feel so bad ot feels like going out screwed everything up between us:(

CoolDude :

Posted 622 days ago

Hi,
My GF dumpd me almost about 2 months back and i am still not over her. I went through a hell lotta depression it was getting hell for me so i went on Antidepressants but they dint help at all. My GF dumped me fr no reason at all she said that she dint feel the same for me anymore but she also confessed that i had been a good guy and that it just was not working out. While breaking up she p ... ed rude remarks i just dont know why? At one moment she says i was a nice guy and the other moment she is rude. How should i accecpt this situation? I want to move on i am fedup of this depression and tooo much of insecurity in my life i wana just hav a normal life now... ive done everything like nt thinking abt her and keeping myself busy bt it just dosen let go off me. PLZ SOMEBODY HELP ME PLZ HELP

Lucas Oseguera :

Posted 742 days ago

My girlfriend just broke up with me. I thought that everything was going well. Just the day before we went on a date and we had a great time. The next day she says that being with me doesn't feel right. How could that be? We were so in love. She broke my heart. I know I didn't do anything wrong, but she still broke up with me. We were going out for 2 1/2 months. The break up came as a shock to me. I need some help.

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