| Dealing With
a Break Up!
Dealing with a break up can be difficult.
Not only do you have to cope with the loss of connection to your significant
other, but also deal with the loss of your dreams, facing friends and family,
and handling the pain and grief of a relationship that has been
severed.
Your whole routine has changed, as well
as your outlook on life. You have, in a sense, become addicted to your partner
and now you have to go through the withdrawal of the loss of them in your
everyday life.
Read (below) some samples of advice for
dealing with a break up found online, post your comments or suggestions below,
and read others. We hope you can find some peace here.
From
http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/columns/
datingtips/breakupclosure.html
"Dating Tips Advice
Column:
Dealing with a Break Up and Relationship
Closure
Q. Dear Dating
Tips,
I am going through a break up right
now, but I was the heart breaker. In fact, I've tried to end the relationship
a couple of times during our time together, which was about more than a year
ago. However, I remained with him to take care of him because he is not
financially stable...
A. Dear Needing
Closure,
Thousands of people are dealing with
issues of pain involving breakups on a daily basis. And many of these are
even the people who instigated the breakup. It is possible to make a strong
connection with someone, but not be able to take that connection to the next
level due to other circumstances within the relationship. And this causes
great difficulty because when you sever the relationship, you are severing
the connection. Anytime a close connection is broke, it's
painful.
From
http://www.askmen.com/dating/datingadvice/dating13.html
"Dealing with a
break-up
How to Dump
Her...Nicely
There is no easy way out. The ignore
her 'till she goes away approach never works. There is no closure for her,
and therapy sessions will soon follow. The I think you're a great girl and
I don't deserve you line will seem okay to her at first, but later she will
be devastated when she realizes that you lied because you were just being
nice.
Honesty really is the best policy.
Treating the relationship, and the person, with respect and dignity helps
soften the blow.
Breaking up is hard to do, but there
is only one way to break up with someone; in person. If you don't, you are
a coward who obviously has neither the integrity, nor the sincerity, to tell
her that your relationship is over."
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From
http://www.lovetactics.com/scenarios/just-broke-up.html
"Just Broke Up
>
Dealing With a Break
Up
Breakups are never easy, whether
she dumped you or you dumped her. Most of the time the end of a relationship
turns out to be the best decision for both parties involved, but sometimes
you realize that a breakup was a big mistake. Obviously there were feelings
of discontentment, anger, or a loss of passion or trust that caused the breakup
in the first place, but often times these feelings and issues in a relationship
can be resolved without completely throwing in the towel and giving up on
the one you want."
From
http://groups.msn.com/BreakUpSurvival/
observationsoftheforsakendealingwithabreakupandbein.msnw
"Observations of the Forsaken –
Dealing with a break up.
By Trevor J
Sykes
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist
or professional by any means, just observations on a board I belong to and
my own personal experiences.
SYNOPSIS
We have all been through it. That
dull ache in your chest, the lack of appetite, lack of sleep, then too much
sleep, depression, feeling physically ill. You’re so anxious you could
gnaw off your feet. You are experiencing a relationship breakup that was
not consensual in the termination. You probably got hung out to dry. After
reading literally hundreds people’s stories and based on my own experience
I have drawn a few trillion conclusions about this whole process, and how
to deal with your immediate concerns."
From
http://www.hopelessromantic.com/dating/break_up.html
"Dealing With a
Break-up
One day it seems as if you are on
top of the world and then the next your relationship hits a brick wall and
it is over. There are many questions running around in your mind. How long
will it take for happiness to return? What went so drastically
wrong?
The truth is a break-up can be a
very emotional time and it will usually take many months to get over the
feeling of loss. A break-up is a drastic change in your lifestyle. The ways
to mend a broken heart is to not dwell on the past and try to get on with
your life. It is OK to grieve, but do not let it consume your entire thoughts.
Look back on the relationship and see what you can learn from it, so you
don?t make the same mistakes again. Get on with your life and try to stay
busy. Join a sport, start a hobby, go out more with your friends. You need
to get a sense of yourself back. Now that you are single, you are free to
do the things you like without having to worry about someone else and how
your actions affect them."
From
http://teenadvice.about.com/cs/breakingup/
f/faq_breakingup1.htm
Q. How will I deal when s/he is with
another person?
As a general rule seeing a person
you were once intimate with in an intimate situation with another person
hurts. It hurts like heck. It is unpleasant in ways you can't understand
unless you have already dealt with the experience. Know it will shock, hurt
and confuse you. Know that any negative feelings you had during the break
up will come flooding back, even if only for a few minutes. Be prepared to
not be happy. But know that this is easier than dealing with a break up and
you have already done that. The hardest part is over. Take this type of a
run-in as a small step backward and don't deny your hurt feelings. As with
all the bad feelings about the break up itself, this too shall pass. And
take comfort, there is only ever one surprise meeting with an ex and their
next. Phew!"
From
http://www.ninetyandnine.com/Archives/20030317/gabby.htm
"Dear Gabby,
I’ve been dealing with a break-up
recently and it's difficult to understand what went wrong. I’ve never
been with someone who made me so happy. I know I could see myself with him
for the rest of my life...
A. ....How embarrassed and humiliated
it felt to be rejected. I hated the pitying looks people sent my direction.
I was angry with Frederick for letting me down. I was angry at myself for
dreaming about a future with him. I spent a lot of time writing in my journal
and brooding during my chores. I decided not to have fun anymore in my life
and didn’t laugh for 16 days (making all my friends and family miserable
with me) until the church’s annual spring picnic."
From
http://teenadvice.about.com/cs/breakingup/f/faq_breakingup.htm
"Q. I was dumped, does that make
me a loser?
A. No, you are not a loser. We tend
to internalize a break up, blaming ourselves and wondering how we could have
been different. This is not healthy (although it is normal). In reality,
break ups usually happen for more than one reason and those reasons are complex
and intertwined. There is rarely, and I dare say never, just one thing that
causes a break up. Break ups certainly never happen over one thing that you
did or one character trait that you exhibit. Although a single act or trait
may be the immediate cause of a break up - for instance, you are caught in
a lie - the one thing is never the only thing. Usually other things have
also happened, things have been building up or falling apart for a while
before the break up, and/or one or both people were feeling unhappy. When
you are dealing with a break up don't make yourself feel worse by looking
for faults within yourself or your actions."
From
http://www.futurescopes.com/dating/
how_to_get_over_a_break_up.shtml
"How to get over a break
up
Empathize
Misery loves company. Provide a listening
ear for someone who's still having a tough time dealing with a break up and
share some of your wisdom and expertise. Tell them how you're coping with
your own break up crisis and provide some valuable break up survival tips.
Helping someone in the same situation can be a boost to your
self-esteem."
From
http://www.been-dumped.com/relationship-forum.php
" How to Recover from a Breakup as
a Teenager
Whether this is your first relationship
or your twenty-seventh, dealing with a break up is hard. No matter what the
reason was for the break up, it still hurts. Even though this break up may
seem like the end of the world now, there are ways to heal your broken
heart."
Please leave your comments or suggestions on
dealing with a break up:
~~~~~
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