| Coping With
a Break Up - ADVICE and MORE!
Coping with a break up can be one of
the most difficult things to do. You'll find you can't eat, you can't sleep,
you can't work - and all the time you will be constantly plagued by unwelcomed
thoughts of the ex, the relationship breakdown, and your future without them.
Of course, you hurt. You're also going
through a withdrawal ... YES, a withdrawal! When you are in an intimate
relationship you become accustomed to having a certain person in your life,
and your daily lifestyle with them. When that 'normalcy' is suddenly taken
away from you, you will naturally have to go through some kind of withdrawal
stage.
Below we have taken some coping advice
found from around the web. As usual, please be sure to add your own advice,
comments, and suggestions for coping with a break up at the end of the
page.
COPING WITH A BREAK UP
From http://breakupadviceonline.com/
cope_with_breakup.html
" COPING WITH A BREAK
UP
A break up can be on of the hardest
things that one can go through. More often than not, breaking up is as hard
on the person trying to end the relationship as it is on the person he or
she is breaking up with. Don't assume that just because a person is breaking
up with you means that they no longer care about you. You must remember that
caring and wanting a relationship are not one and the
same.
But after all has been said, the emotional
toll of a break up can be really really hard at first. It can be a painful
experience that can drain one emotionally. But one needs to learn how to
deal with it in a very mature way. Here are some food for thought that may
be able to help you in coping up with your own break up.
1. Try to accept your sadness and
be very kind to yourself.
2. Treat and indulge yourself to some of life’s enjoyable pleasures.
3. Try to ask yourself each day what you have to be grateful for.
4. Make it a habit of thinking up a list of all the things that are great
about you and tell yourself.
5. Being broken up with does not mean that something is wrong with you.
6. It is always all right to cry, get mad and feel hurt when you get dumped
in a relationship.
7. Breaking up is never always easy.
8. Acting out in anger is never good for anybody.
9. Things may look bleak for you after the break up, but you never know what
the future may hold for you and your ex."
From
http://www.ntu.edu.sg/SCC/Self+Help+Resources
/coping+with+a+break-up.htm
"Coping with a
break-up
What happens when things do not work
out?
When a relationship ends, you may
experience symptoms of grief and periodic despair. The foundation of love
is sharing, trust and intimacy. This foundation is built through a willingness
to be vulnerable. Intimate vulnerability allows your thoughts and emotions
to be expressed in the atmosphere of shared experience. When circumstances
no longer provide for a bond of intimacy, love and trust, the separation
can feel devastating.
The following are common feelings
often experienced when a relationship ends. There is no right or wrong feeling
to have - we each react to the end of a relationship in our own unique
way.
* Denial.
* Anger.
* Fear.
* Self-blame.
* Guilt.
* Disorientation.
* Bargaining.
* Relief.
* Growth.
How to cope with a
breakup?
* Give yourself time to heal.
* Engage in 'self-help' practices.
* Realise that you might not be functioning at your best right now.
* Mobilise your support system.
* Get active in joining the club/society you are interested or you belong
to.
* Highlight the reasons that the relationship was less than perfect.
* Learn from what happened.
* Volunteer your time to help someone else.
* Learn something new.
* Get a pet or plant.
* Start a new exercise or wellness plan.
* Redecorate your space.
* Write a goodbye letter.
* Rent a few romantic movies or read a few romance novels to remind yourself
that love does still have happy endings.
* Get a new look. "
From
http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites
/F/family/parenting/breakup.html
"helping your child cope with your
break-up
coping with a
break-up
So, you and your partner are separating.
Whether or not it was a mutual decision to separate, this will inevitably
be a hugely difficult time for you both. It may seem impossible to cope with
your own raw emotions at this time, so how do you keep your children secure
emotionally and as happy as they can be in this situation? Here are some
practical tips for helping them (and you) through.
1. Try to separate what are your emotions
and what are those of your children.
2. Be certain as you can in an uncertain time.
3. Relationships between children can be quite poisonous.
4. Allow your child to express his or her feelings
5. Be aware of the developmental stage of your child.
6. Look out for changes in your child's peer relationships.
7. The key to the emotional well-being of your child is to construct a routine
between you and your ex that the children know about.
8. Try to keep your child protected from your arguments.
9. Help your child to manage their two worlds.
10. Look after yourself. "
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From
http://www.azsinglescene.com/archives
/coping_with_6-04.htm
"COPING with a BREAK-UP: a report
on strategies
Researchers asked 61 college students
what methods they used to cope with the end of a romantic relationship. In
particular they looked at whether “leavers” had different strategies
than “lefts.”
Turns out the leavers are somewhat
more likely to rely on what the researchers called “self-enhancement”
strategies aimed at self-understanding and self-improvement - things like
spending more time with friends and family, putting the word out that they
are available for dating, or becoming introspective (spending time alone;
reflecting on the relationship).
Lefts also relied most on
self-enhancement, though they used somewhat different strategies within the
category, including more time with friends and family, but also keeping busy
with work or hobbies; changing their perspective on the relationship (such
as “concluding it was for the best”); and changing their outward
appearance, such as getting a new haircut, or “making sure that I look
good.”"
From http://www.uwosh.edu/couns_center/
selfhelp/relationships/coping_break_up.php
"Coping With a Break
Up
Clearly relationships with others
are important to us as human beings. Having successful intimate relationships
takes on added significance during our “college” years when we
are between the ages of 17 and 30, have “left” our families, and
are expected to form our first serious commitment. We learn that it is often
in or though intimate relationships that our sexual, romantic, companionship,
and intimacy needs will be met. It is no wonder then, that we find ourselves
preoccupied or consumed with pursuing, maintaining, ending, and recovering
from the loss of such relationships. While each of these stages of relationships
can be difficult and challenging, it is commonly when relationships end or
“don’t work out” that we struggle the
most."
From http://futurescopes.com/dating/
broke_up_here_how_to_emerge_stronger.shtml
"Yoga and
Meditation
Coping with a break up and the recovery
phase is not about losing yourself in a frenetic pace of activities, trying
to forget. It is about achieving inner peace. What better way than to practice
yoga. Meditation is the key to invigorate your mind, rejuvenate your senses
and uplift your soul."
From http://www.ptotoday.com/articles/
article.php?article=0304shesaid.html
"She Said It
Coping With a
Break-Up
Five years ago, children in grades
1-5 in my district were moved out of two cramped, outdated elementary schools
into a newly refurbished former high school. Adjustments were made. The PTOs
at the former schools were dissolved, and a new district-wide parent organization
was formed. Co-presidents from each town were elected. People got used to
the idea that a single PTO could serve more than 1,000
students.
Since then, the PTO has proven itself
many times over to be dynamic and energetic despite a mission that has become
increasingly unwieldy and cumbersome. Sixth-graders were added to the school,
children in the youngest grades were moved back to the old buildings, and
the student population exploded to 1,400, while the number of parent volunteers
remained low. Through it all, the PTO has remained solid, doing whatever
it takes to enrich education in the towns it serves."
From http://www.gayhealth.com/templates
/emotions?record=4
"Q. I have always had a terrible time
coping with a break-up while many of my friends seem to move on fairly quickly.
What is wrong with me?
A. Some people are born with a natural
vulnerability to loss and abandonment. It is part of their biological
temperament. Others have had early life experiences (loss of a parent,
unavailable parents, frequent moves, or overprotective parents) that predispose
them to having difficulty accepting loss or being alone. If you have a high
sensitivity to loss, it is important to choose stable, available partners,
who place high value on commitment..."
From http://www.datingfast.com/forums
/lofiversion/index.php?t209.html
"My Break Up And Coping With
It
Relationship forums > Breakups
and Divorce > Coping with a Divorce - Relationship
Breakup
Hello everyone im a new member spent
an hour or so reading most of the posts and have found some really good advice.
Im from the UK and a 37yr old male My relationship ended last December but
for the sake of our 4 yr old son we decided that i would stay in the house
over Christmas and i would leave in January. I have to admit i spent the
time trying to repair the relationship but the X was adamant it was
over.
I moved into a new apartment mid January
feeling very low and lonely i ended up on Anti-dipressent pills and at times
suicidle. I do see my son on a regular basis and i love him and cherish each
moment i have with him as much as i can, i had been around him everyday of
his 4yrs and it broke my heart having to leave him.
At the Begining of Febuary i discovered
that my X had a new partner and he had moved into our home i also learnt
that the new Partner Is 50 yrs old and they plan to marry this April, i felt
devastated.
I then began to think to myself i
have to get over this and move on with my life and i began to think about
the relationship.
We had been together for a little
over 5 yrs we met In june 2001 buy August i had moved in with her and by
December she was pregnant and our son who was born September
2002.
My X had previously been married and
had 2 children from that marriage id heard stories how she had got fed up
with her X husband and made him leave and yes youve guessed it she found
someone else very soon after.
Ive learnt that the end of a relationship
is very hard to deal with especially when you are alone and have no-one to
turn too, but i decided to go to councilling just to talk to someone who
would sit and listen.
All my feelings of feeling low and
having no self worth are slowly diminishing and now i found myself thinking
my Xs new partner is welcome to her and i smile to myself sometimes thinking
as soon as she gets bored with a guy 16rs her senior he may well get replaced
too, but definately not by me i hasten to add.
Time is a great healer, the pain does
go and the way i have dealt with my situation is to think POSITIVE ABOUT
MYSELF."
From http://www.datingfast.com/forums/
lofiversion/index.php?t191.html
" My Way of coping with a break
up
Relationship forums > Breakups
and Divorce > Coping with a Divorce - Relationship
Breakup
A couple of days ago, i split with
my girlfriend of two and a half years. Not only did she break up with me,
she dropped the bombshell that she was seeing someone else. At first i felt
the usual physical sickness and despondency until i was standing on my balcony
smoking when my 'feel good' clause hit me. It sounds stupid but this actually
makes me feel better...
I was standing there, and i was thinking
too myself 'jesus christ it's cold. I can't wait for global warming to kick
in' which led me to think about the bad effects of global warming which in
turn led me to the following...
my brake-up is exactly the same as
global warming - i can't do nothing about it so why even
worry?
you might say that it's too simple
to help, but everytime i feel myself gettin upset about it, i just think
about that, and it brings a smile to my face"
From
http://money.uk.msn.com/MyMoney/Insight/
Money_Spinner/article.aspx?cp-documentid=143824
"Coping with break
up
Suddenly single: how to take control
of your finances
The end of a relationship will often
be the occasion of sadness – and sometimes relief – on the part
of those involved.
Understandably, sorting out the financial
side tends to come last on the list of priorities when your relationship
ends.
Yet, like bereavement, splitting up
involves two basic events: an ending and a beginning. The implications of
both in terms of your financial planning each can be very
similar.
2) Create a balance
sheet
3) Contact all institutions you have
joint financial dealings with
4) Decide what you want to do about
the big-ticket items
5) Plan your future
life"
Please
leave your comments, suggestions, and advice regarding coping with a break
up:
~~~~~
Tigress Luv, The Break Up Guru, is the author
of How to Get Over a Breakup, an instantly
available online webBook, downloadable ebook, and website designed to help
you understand and heal from a broken heart, and How
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