Coping with a Break Up

Coping with a break up can be one of the most difficult things to do. You'll find you can't eat, you can't sleep, you can't work - and all the time you will be constantly plagued by unwelcomed thoughts of the ex, the relationship breakdown, and your future without them.

Of course, you hurt. You're also going through a withdrawal ... YES, a withdrawal! When you are in an intimate relationship you become accustomed to having a certain person in your life, and your daily lifestyle with them. When that 'normalcy' is suddenly taken away from you, you will naturally have to go through some kind of withdrawal stage.

Below we have taken some coping advice found from around the web. As usual, please be sure to add your own advice, comments, and suggestions for coping with a break up at the end of the page.

COPING WITH A BREAK UP
From http://breakupadviceonline.com/
cope_with_breakup.html

A break up can be on of the hardest things that one can go through. More often than not, breaking up is as hard on the person trying to end the relationship as it is on the person he or she is breaking up with. Don't assume that just because a person is breaking up with you means that they no longer care about you. You must remember that caring and wanting a relationship are not one and the same.

But after all has been said, the emotional toll of a break up can be really really hard at first. It can be a painful experience that can drain one emotionally. But one needs to learn how to deal with it in a very mature way. Here are some food for thought that may be able to help you in coping up with your own break up.

1. Try to accept your sadness and be very kind to yourself.
2. Treat and indulge yourself to some of life’s enjoyable pleasures.
3. Try to ask yourself each day what you have to be grateful for.
4. Make it a habit of thinking up a list of all the things that are great about you and tell yourself.
5. Being broken up with does not mean that something is wrong with you.
6. It is always all right to cry, get mad and feel hurt when you get dumped in a relationship.
7. Breaking up is never always easy.
8. Acting out in anger is never good for anybody.
9. Things may look bleak for you after the break up, but you never know what the future may hold for you and your ex."

When a relationship ends, you may experience symptoms of grief and periodic despair. The foundation of love is sharing, trust and intimacy. This foundation is built through a willingness to be vulnerable. Intimate vulnerability allows your thoughts and emotions to be expressed in the atmosphere of shared experience. When circumstances no longer provide for a bond of intimacy, love and trust, the separation can feel devastating.

The following are common feelings often experienced when a relationship ends. There is no right or wrong feeling to have - we each react to the end of a relationship in our own unique way.

* Denial.
* Anger.
* Fear.
* Self-blame.
* Guilt.
* Disorientation.
* Bargaining.
* Relief.
* Growth.

* Give yourself time to heal.
* Engage in 'self-help' practices.
* Realise that you might not be functioning at your best right now.
* Mobilise your support system.
* Get active in joining the club/society you are interested or you belong to.
* Highlight the reasons that the relationship was less than perfect.
* Learn from what happened.
* Volunteer your time to help someone else.
* Learn something new.
* Get a pet or plant.
* Start a new exercise or wellness plan.
* Redecorate your space.
* Write a goodbye letter.
* Rent a few romantic movies or read a few romance novels to remind yourself that love does still have happy endings.
* Get a new look. "

So, you and your partner are separating. Whether or not it was a mutual decision to separate, this will inevitably be a hugely difficult time for you both. It may seem impossible to cope with your own raw emotions at this time, so how do you keep your children secure emotionally and as happy as they can be in this situation? Here are some practical tips for helping them (and you) through.

1. Try to separate what are your emotions and what are those of your children.
2. Be certain as you can in an uncertain time.
3. Relationships between children can be quite poisonous.
4. Allow your child to express his or her feelings
5. Be aware of the developmental stage of your child.
6. Look out for changes in your child's peer relationships.
7. The key to the emotional well-being of your child is to construct a routine between you and your ex that the children know about.
8. Try to keep your child protected from your arguments.
9. Help your child to manage their two worlds.
10. Look after yourself. "

Researchers asked 61 college students what methods they used to cope with the end of a romantic relationship. In particular they looked at whether “leavers” had different strategies than “lefts.”

Turns out the leavers are somewhat more likely to rely on what the researchers called “self-enhancement” strategies aimed at self-understanding and self-improvement - things like spending more time with friends and family, putting the word out that they are available for dating, or becoming introspective (spending time alone; reflecting on the relationship).

Lefts also relied most on self-enhancement, though they used somewhat different strategies within the category, including more time with friends and family, but also keeping busy with work or hobbies; changing their perspective on the relationship (such as “concluding it was for the best”); and changing their outward appearance, such as getting a new haircut, or “making sure that I look good.”"

From http://www.uwosh.edu/couns_center/
selfhelp/relationships/coping_break_up.php

Clearly relationships with others are important to us as human beings. Having successful intimate relationships takes on added significance during our “college” years when we are between the ages of 17 and 30, have “left” our families, and are expected to form our first serious commitment. We learn that it is often in or though intimate relationships that our sexual, romantic, companionship, and intimacy needs will be met. It is no wonder then, that we find ourselves preoccupied or consumed with pursuing, maintaining, ending, and recovering from the loss of such relationships. While each of these stages of relationships can be difficult and challenging, it is commonly when relationships end or “don’t work out” that we struggle the most."

Coping with a break up and the recovery phase is not about losing yourself in a frenetic pace of activities, trying to forget. It is about achieving inner peace. What better way than to practice yoga. Meditation is the key to invigorate your mind, rejuvenate your senses and uplift your soul."

Five years ago, children in grades 1-5 in my district were moved out of two cramped, outdated elementary schools into a newly refurbished former high school. Adjustments were made. The PTOs at the former schools were dissolved, and a new district-wide parent organization was formed. Co-presidents from each town were elected. People got used to the idea that a single PTO could serve more than 1,000 students.

Since then, the PTO has proven itself many times over to be dynamic and energetic despite a mission that has become increasingly unwieldy and cumbersome. Sixth-graders were added to the school, children in the youngest grades were moved back to the old buildings, and the student population exploded to 1,400, while the number of parent volunteers remained low. Through it all, the PTO has remained solid, doing whatever it takes to enrich education in the towns it serves."

"Q. I have always had a terrible time coping with a break-up while many of my friends seem to move on fairly quickly. What is wrong with me?

A. Some people are born with a natural vulnerability to loss and abandonment. It is part of their biological temperament. Others have had early life experiences (loss of a parent, unavailable parents, frequent moves, or overprotective parents) that predispose them to having difficulty accepting loss or being alone. If you have a high sensitivity to loss, it is important to choose stable, available partners, who place high value on commitment..."

Relationship forums > Breakups and Divorce > Coping with a Divorce - Relationship Breakup

Hello everyone im a new member spent an hour or so reading most of the posts and have found some really good advice. Im from the UK and a 37yr old male My relationship ended last December but for the sake of our 4 yr old son we decided that i would stay in the house over Christmas and i would leave in January. I have to admit i spent the time trying to repair the relationship but the X was adamant it was over.

I moved into a new apartment mid January feeling very low and lonely i ended up on Anti-dipressent pills and at times suicidle. I do see my son on a regular basis and i love him and cherish each moment i have with him as much as i can, i had been around him everyday of his 4yrs and it broke my heart having to leave him.

At the Begining of Febuary i discovered that my X had a new partner and he had moved into our home i also learnt that the new Partner Is 50 yrs old and they plan to marry this April, i felt devastated.

I then began to think to myself i have to get over this and move on with my life and i began to think about the relationship.

We had been together for a little over 5 yrs we met In june 2001 buy August i had moved in with her and by December she was pregnant and our son who was born September 2002.

My X had previously been married and had 2 children from that marriage id heard stories how she had got fed up with her X husband and made him leave and yes youve guessed it she found someone else very soon after.

Ive learnt that the end of a relationship is very hard to deal with especially when you are alone and have no-one to turn too, but i decided to go to councilling just to talk to someone who would sit and listen.

All my feelings of feeling low and having no self worth are slowly diminishing and now i found myself thinking my Xs new partner is welcome to her and i smile to myself sometimes thinking as soon as she gets bored with a guy 16rs her senior he may well get replaced too, but definately not by me i hasten to add.

Time is a great healer, the pain does go and the way i have dealt with my situation is to think POSITIVE ABOUT MYSELF."

Relationship forums > Breakups and Divorce > Coping with a Divorce - Relationship Breakup

A couple of days ago, i split with my girlfriend of two and a half years. Not only did she break up with me, she dropped the bombshell that she was seeing someone else. At first i felt the usual physical sickness and despondency until i was standing on my balcony smoking when my 'feel good' clause hit me. It sounds stupid but this actually makes me feel better...

I was standing there, and i was thinking too myself 'jesus christ it's cold. I can't wait for global warming to kick in' which led me to think about the bad effects of global warming which in turn led me to the following...

my brake-up is exactly the same as global warming - i can't do nothing about it so why even worry?

you might say that it's too simple to help, but everytime i feel myself gettin upset about it, i just think about that, and it brings a smile to my face"

From http://money.uk.msn.com/MyMoney/Insight/
Money_Spinner/article.aspx?cp-documentid=143824

The end of a relationship will often be the occasion of sadness – and sometimes relief – on the part of those involved.

Understandably, sorting out the financial side tends to come last on the list of priorities when your relationship ends.

Yet, like bereavement, splitting up involves two basic events: an ending and a beginning. The implications of both in terms of your financial planning each can be very similar.

Please leave your comments, suggestions, and advice regarding coping with a break up:

Comments (page 1 of 1):

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shine :

Posted 47 days ago

its really hard to cope up with a break up..i myself has been trying to at least breath until i can..i cry for many times and sometimes get an out burst when i cant take it any longer..please send me more coping up advises at my email add..shyn_glory@yahoo ... looking forward for it..thanks..

ramesh :

Posted 200 days ago

good messages helping others

JessLynn :

Posted 216 days ago

Loosing the bond you have with someone who started out as a good friend and turned into a relationship is difficult to handle, especially the first couple days or weeks. It is important to be kind to yourslef and express your feelings either to another close friend, family member, letter, or to go over things with yourself in a relaxed setting. I try not to put any pressure or expectaions about how and when I should feel better. I just sort of let it all happen knowing I will wake up to the day when it does not even phase me anymore, and everyday is one day closer. Plus I have never had a break-up where the feelings you feel when it first happens last forever. Love yourself and know it's difficult for two people to stay in a relationship. Eventually you will forgive and forget.

Tigress Luv, The Break Up Guru, is the author of How to Get Over a Breakup, an instantly available online webBook, downloadable ebook, and website designed to help you understand and heal from a broken heart, and How to STOP Your Breakup, an instantly available webBook, downloadable ebook, and website designed to help you STOP or reverse your breakup and get your ex back. Both are available on this site and are free when you join our community.

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